you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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