I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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