too bad you live with your parents still
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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