i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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