I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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