He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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