this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
