I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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