I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
