I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
