Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
