Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
