hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
