i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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