I want to walk on stilts...naked
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
