sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
