I'm eating all of the evidence.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
