My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
