well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
