There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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