Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize