Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
