i'm signing you up for texting rehab
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
