So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
