you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
