She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
