he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
