I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
