false alarm. still invincible.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize