Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
