If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
