your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
be right there i have to get my cape
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
