Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize