Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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