Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
