I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
