oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
PANTIES FOUND
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
