was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
