ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
