I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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