just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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