i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
