I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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