was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
