Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
