with your own penis?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
