I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
