Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize