So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
