i wish starbucks made bloody marys
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
