He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
