You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
