We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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