Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
