K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize