I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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