i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
