There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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