There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
