I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
