He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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