i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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