i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
