jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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