if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
