Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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