Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
