why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
