Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
