FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
