I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You made me cry and you don't even care
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
