I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
