I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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