yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Damn victory sex feels great
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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