it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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