I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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