I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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