if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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