the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
