Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
