Capitaan dildo arrescate!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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