You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
