He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
