bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
