we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
