i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
